January 29, 2014

So I am still struggling to figure out when I am hungry and when I am not. It's really confusing and a little embarrassing that I am having so much trouble with this. It is a powerful signal how out of touch with my body I am.

Interestingly, I went back and calculated how many calories I ate in the first two days just checking in on my hunger and found out I am right on target for weight loss. That was really encouraging.

I find it amusing that my thoughts are fixated on "Are you Hungry?"  most of the time now.

It's going to be a good long learning process.

No More Diets

On Friday I was driving home and listening to the Dr. Jenn Berman show on OWN radio. She talked about how diets don't work. My experience of gaining back half the weight I lost over the last 8 weeks reflected that. I realized that I didn't change my relationship with food.

Berman recommends using a hunger scale from 1 - 10 to continually check in with yourself. The goal is to eat at 3 - when you are hungry but not starving. Only eat to get to a 5 - neutral - rather than a 6 - 10 of being full. This idea really resonated with me. I immediately went home and downloaded the app for $3.99.

Over the weekend, I realized that I am so out of touch with my body that I am not really sure what it feels like to be hungry. I was eating when I was full. This week I am focused on figuring out what exactly the signals are that my body is sending me. 

I am cautiously optimistic about this process. It became very clear over the weekend that i do need to change my relationship with food.

January 21st

Well, as of today I have gained 15 pounds back from my 30 pound last year. It is an important wake up call that I can't lose focus for a day and keep the gains I have made. I am focused this year in being strong and healthy and getting skinnier every day. I am grateful for a supportive husband and family. I am grateful for a good job and a nice life.

A lull

This June and July have been rough for me. I haven't been focused. I have not kept to the calorie targets. I've been gaining the losing the same 2 pounds for the last 8 weeks. There was no visible difference in my June pics to my July pics. Last week, I was sad. I was in a funk. It was mostly hormonal but still felt very very real. This week I need to break this stalemate and get back into the groove. I feel better when I eat less calories and more high quality foods. I have to remember that in the moments when I want to find comfort in a bag of candy, an extra cocktail or a another handful of salami. 

I can do this. I already dropped 30 lbs. I can do this. I am worth this. I am getting skinnier and stronger every day. I have worked out 194 days in a row and I will make it to New Year's Eve on that streak. I have a great support and accountability system. And it's okay to take a break from tracking every calorie. I am in this for long haul. I need to make this happen. 

The Family Photo weigh in

This morning was the weigh in for the family photo session this weekend. My sister challenged me to lose 30 pounds by this upcoming Sunday. I have lost 23.6 lbs and I am very happy about it. I am starting to fit into some of my old clothes which is very exciting. My husband, my friend Jenny and these weekly weigh ins have been a great source of motivation and support. I am starting to notice my palette changing. I definitely want less carbs and sweets than I used to. I feel strong and motivated. My mantra of Just Worry about Today is definitely working.

1st Quarter 2013

So it has been three months since I committed to work out every day and log my calories every day. I am close to losing 20 pounds so far. I have had moments of pure joy fitting into pants a size smaller.  The key has been figuring out my Basal Metabolic Rate so I am eating the proper amount of calories. My Fitness Pal recommended I eat 1698 calories to lose 2 pounds a week, my BMR currently is 2000 calories. The theory is that I have to end up with 2,000 calories at the end of the day so I eat back my exercise calories. I still go over. Turns out my default is about 3,000 calories, but by taking off the pressure of eating perfectly - I am doing much better. 


Yesterday I was looking at pictures from 2005. I was 20 pounds over my goal weight and about 60 pounds less than I am now. I can't believe I thought I was fat then. I was HOT! I am really looking forward at getting back to that weight.  A big motivation is being the weight I was when I met my husband by our 5th anniversary  May 2014. That will be a 85 pound weight loss over 17 months or about 1.25 pounds per week. 

I still feel strong and that I can do this. Working out is a natural part of my life now. Cutting out sugar is pretty easy to do when I am thoughtful about it. It's still one day at a time. Every day. One day at a time. 

Why I think it will work this time

Here I go again!

Why I think it will work:
1. I have two accountability buddies - one for weight loss and one for exercising every day. I log in my weight once a week and if I "outlose" my partner by May - I get $20. I also have a friend on Facebook that we are both going for 365 days of exercise in 2013. We call it #365for365 and it is a great motivation. I don't want to let her down. I am already 7 for 7.

2. I am only focusing on three things: 1. Exercise every day. 2. Log my food every day. 3. Wear my fitbit every day. I can do this. This is easy.

3. I naturally realized that carbs are not big of a part of my life. I don't eat a lot of bread, cereal or pasta. I don't generally eat dessert so just avoiding the office candy jar is all I have to do to be sugar free and gluten free.

4. I have an incredibly supportive husband who gets me up for the gym every morning.

5. I am starting while we have our share with the farm so a ton of  veggies end up at our house every other week and need to be consumed.

6. I visualize my inner skinny girl. I do a daily affirmation that I am getting skinnier every day. I view each exercise as digging out a shovel of dirt to get closer to that girl.

I'm ready.