Sunday, May 3, 2015

Week 1: Saturdays will get ya!

Week 1: Weigh in: 295

I am done 2 lbs from my initial weigh in of 297. I did a good job this week tracking  calories. Yesterday I ate my way through the day
Not because I was hungry but because it was there.

I spent some time reading the blog Can Anyone Hear Me? It helped me target one rebellion I have against losing weight. The idea that fat people are less than. The fat people need to lose weight to be valuable. The blogger posted a very moving tribute to the picture of her "before" and how that person is equally as deserving of love as her current slimmer photo.

"That's it!" That's the part of the rebellion in me. Screw you to all the people who pressure and monetize a weight loss struggle. I am morbidly obese and I am happy, married and surrounded by amazing friends and family. The numbers on the scale don't have anything to do with that.

Keeping it real though - that's a small part of my self-sabatoge. Karen Gillman who wrote After the Band helped me see that overeating is self-sabatoge. I KNOW I feel my best when I eat good foods - vegetables, lean proteins, limited dairy, no gluten and no processed foods. My anxiety is lower and I am just in a good mood! Every time I chose something else - I am sabatoging feeling that way.

The truth is - I like eating. I like the full feeling when I finish a great meal or snack. I like that little rush when sugar hits the system or that release after the first sip of wine. I like the way it feels in that moment. I don't like feeling tired, the mood swings, not fitting into the seats at Fenway so I have bruises on my legs after Opening Day. I don't like knees and feet that hurt. I don't like that my options are limited or that my husband worries if I am going to be able to do that before pick an activity. But those are long term penalties for an instant gratification crime. 

Next week I head to Punta Cana for 7 nights. I'm excited about the fun that will be had. My strategy is to make smart choices at breakfast and lunch when my willpower is high. Focus on meats and veggies for dinner. And limit drinking.

Lose 1 pound a week for 99 weeks. (This really feels like that beer barrel song.)

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